If a Bro decides to let all of his Bros down and get married, he is required to invite them to the wedding, even if this directly violates the wishes of his fiancee and results in a “no sex” penalty or whatever lame domestic punishment couples might employ.

A bride thinks of her wedding day as the happiest day of her life. A groom thinks of his wedding day as the saddest: his marriage signifies the death of Broing out with his Bros. But there’s a simple way for the groom to send his Bros out with a bang…bridesmaids.

Squeezed into ugly identical dresses, bridesmaids have one goal: to get out of them. Studies have shown that a cocktail of jealousy, Bros in formal wear, and well, cocktails make a bridesmaid one of the most accessible chicks on the planet.

-Bro Code: Article 132


A Bro will always help another Bro reconstruct the events from the previous night, unless those events entail hooking up with an ugly chick or the Bro repeatedly saying “I love you, man” to all his Bros.

MAC - Memory Assistance and/or Correction- often comes into play around the holidays because when people gather together with loved ones, the need to drink alcohol increases exponentially.

Halloween is a time when Bros are especially susceptible to memory loss due to the lethal combination of abundant sweet things, liquor, and of course, candy. In fact, one year I awoke with four new phone numbers but no idea who gave them to me. Fortunately, based on the times I saved the numbers into my phone and a few hazy memories of the four different costumes I wore at the party the night before, I was able to create a logic matrix.

-Bro Code: Article 127


In a scenario where two or more Bros are watching entertainment of the adult variety, one Bro is forbidden from intentionally or unintentionally touching another Bro in ANY capacity. This may include but is not limited to: the high five, the fist bump, or the congratulatory gluteal pat. Winking is also kind of a no-no.

Pre-Strip Club Checklist

~Converted sufficient funds to singles in the local currency.
~Hid ATM and credit cards deep in wallet yet still accessible in case of rare “twins” scenario.
~Got drunk.
~Planted fake “movie producer” business cares on person where they might “accidentally” fall out into cleavage of dancer(s).
~Pledged to avoid dancers with names like Smokey, Hepatitia, and Thunder.
~Turned off heat/AC in apartment, saving both utility costs and the environment.
~Not wearing jeans.
~Read in-depth synopsis of movie girlfriend thinks you’re going to see.

-Bro Code: Article 126


A Bro is always psyched. Always.

If you’re having trouble getting psyched, or you need to get a Bro psyched, you can always make yourself a “Get Psyched” mix.

Classic Get Psyched Songs

-Bro Code: Article 122

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